Prose & Poetry 2020

Dear God

How is this fair?

Unlike many

Or even most of your subjects

I’ve lived an easy life

Full of kind and decent folk

I still have all my kids

And both my kidneys

Knock on wood

And have never once been chased 

By an angry person 

With a knife

Oh, I’ve had my ups and downs

My big losses

And moments of despair,

But most of the time you’ve been merciful

And this has been so from the start

Before I ever had a chance at sin.

Weirder still, your mercy

Often seems to bless the villains

And avoid the pure and sweet

I just don’t see you wielding

The laws of Karma

Good and Evil
Crime and Punishment

The way they say you do.

The closest I can come

To understanding you

Is through my occasional stabs

At Compassion 

For the victims of your wacky 

Decision-making process

But then I’m no student 

Of Divinity, in fact

You seem to have endowed me

With a pitiful spiritual IQ

So all I can assume

Is that somehow

You know what you’re doing

Meanwhile I remain 

Naively yours

Without the slightest doubt

That when you yank 

That last rug out

From under me

I’ll find myself 

Safe and sound 

Riding high 

Cleaving the blue familiar sky

On a first-rate chauffeur-driven

Flying carpet

Perhaps a tad astounded

But sweetly bound

For your 

Utterly unreasonable glory.

Dear God, 

How is this fair?

Unlike many

Or even most of your subjects

I’ve lived an easy life

Full of kind and decent folk

I still have all my kids

And both my kidneys

And I’ve never once been chased 

By an angry person 

With a knife

Oh, I’ve had my ups and downs

My losses

And moments of despair,

But I remain happily naïve

And have no doubt

That when you yank 

That last rug out

From under my behind

I’ll find myself 

Safe and sound 

Riding high 

Cleaving the blue 

Familiar sky

On a first-rate 

Chauffeur-driven

Flying carpet

Perhaps a tad astounded

But sweetly bound

For glory.

Death comes like a dancer

Death comes like a dancer

Black and exultant

Striding and turning with great gestures

Gathering all

Terrifying and beautiful

Fierce and impersonal 

He comes whirling from the side

When you least expect him

Young and proud he comes

Power streaming from him

Announcing 

The New

Endlessly Everyone Day

- for Jaydra and Noah

Returning at last

To the unmasked ball

To renew myself

So long overdue

I’m swept up

By more friends

Of every impossible sort

Than I ever imagined

Could fit in my heart

And we all fall in love

Twirling and whirling

Eye to eye

On our way somewhere wonderful

Deep in the sky

Mistakes and confusion

Our tickets to ride

No one ever

Left behind or aside

And surprise is the game

As all of us fly

Away

And away

And away

And away

Awake as can be on this 

One and only

Divinely danceable

Endlessly Everyone 

Day

Failing at Failure

“After many days I discovered

this great paradox:

Those who bore failure in their hearts 

were able to illuminate the final victory, 

while those who felt triumphant 

were left by the wayside 

like vegetation 

whose life is muted and diffuse.”

- Silo, The Inner Look

I used to be a perfect failure

Full of angst

Sure of getting into heaven

On the merit of my

Poverty of spirit alone

But these days

I remind myself

Of a happy squash

Or a leaf of chard

Waiting to be sauteed

With onions and raisins

And sunflower seeds

I’m just too content

I don’t mind life

Oh sure, sometimes 

I’m miserable, even terrified

But that passes

And then there’s joy

Like the cat 

Rushing in the door

To jump on my bed

And tell me her story

Or like the deep pleasure

Of telling someone the truth
Without fear

I find happiness

In cooking dinner

In wiping down the counter

In writing silly words

In the quest

For poetry

Why pretend?

I’m just not suffering

Enough.

Oh, I’m sure my time will come

And then

Maybe I’ll have a chance

At salvation

But if I die today

And just blink out like a light

From being too content

Then that’s the way it is –

Although I don’t believe it

For a minute

But have no doubt 

That clemency awaits

All the pure of heart

Even those who’ve only failed

At bearing failure

In their hearts.

First Two of the Twelve Steps of the Morphological Discipline

Today I wrap myself in my mother’s shawl

And sit down with my Guide

Who looks at me expectantly

Well?

There are twelve steps to this thing

And I’m stuck on two,

I confess-complain

Patiently he looks at me 

Which calms me down

Then he squeezes my hand for luck

Have a good time!

And sends me through the gate again

Into the Infinite Plane

And there I stand

Alone in the open 

Where anything can happen 

But now his voice comes soft in my ear

Here’s what you do:

Let the horizon in front draw near

And the horizon on both sides 

And the horizon behind 

So I do

And find myself standing

In the middle

Of the courtyard of infinity

This is better, I think

Nice and secure

But there’s more, he says

Let the square become 

A circle

So I do

And the circle is comfortable 

But now he’s telling me

Let white petals rise up

And close above you

And as above

So below

And again

I follow his instructions

Until I find myself

Afloat in a commodious globe 

That holds me

And the whole wide world 

In a mother-of-pearl goblet of light

Which I like even more

Maybe I am 

The Jewel

In the lotus?

But he’s not done

Now let the whole thing contract

Damn - this makes no sense at all

After I’ve come this far

And am so comfortable here

But I’ve agreed to this

So I do my best

And let my lovely globe 

Begin to dwindle

Tinier and tinier all around me

A miniature world

With me inside

The tiniest possible

Crystal ball

Until at last

We are both nothing 

But a mote 

Of infinite light

In my heart

And this

Is the moment

Of conception

To be continued…

For my four husbands

You were all so different

and still are

but it doesn’t really matter

what we think

or say

or do

because always

I am I 

and you

are you

First

you were a surly 

fifties greaser 

weeping 

while you schemed 

to steal the treasure

from the world’s heart

Next you were 

a young man dancing 

your way 

to jaded success

in colors that did not exist

until you stumbled

all unwitting

on a treasure

hidden deep within

Next

you were a gentle 

Argentine 

space case lover 

of the deeps

who dwelt with me

in tender

and astonished

innocence

And now

you are a crusty old Jew

sitting atop your wall of doubt

laughing out loud

at the way the sun

comes up each day

anew

And I

girl, woman, 

wife, mother, and crone

have been

happy foa

Formal meditation

In and out of fantasy I float 

Centered in my sphere

Two small girls sitting near 

The guide asks them

Who here is your kin?

And they turn to me, “She is!”

Which fills my heart 

With sweetest cheer

fulfillment in the parking lot

how fine to stroll 

this quiet walkway

everything waiting

in its proper place

conveyances

quiet for a while

beside a swath

of clipped grass shining

each blade holding high

its cup of dew

this Japanese maple

holding out her delicate hands

in greeting

every sign standing

in its place

offering

direction 

or a name

and I too

waiting

in my place 

every thought and feeling

every breath

and every step

in its proper place

in its proper time

I don’t like rhyme

I really don’t like

Rhyme

But it comes out of me

All the time

And the more

I try not to

The more it bleeds

From all my pores

Like this:

When thinking becomes

Just too much

A crutch

To keep from letting go

Just end it,

Phew! 

Enough.

Stop

Take a break

And go inside

It’s never too late

To marinate

Otherwise

Time trickster will get you

And then 

There’s no place

To hide.

Fencing butterflies

I’m giving up fencing butterflies. 

Talk about herding cats -

When the butterflies attack like that

Without warning

They’re so damned hard to pin down!

Some people say use a net - 

But what would I do with them 

If I caught them?

No, I always keep a sword under my pillow, 

And this morning, when I felt them 

Fluttering all around inside my head

I was ready.

I leapt up and danced all about the floor 

Lunging and parrying and

Thoroughly exhausting myself…

I was getting depressed by the futility

Of the task

When it occurred to me 

To just stop

And let them out.

I don’t know why I never thought of that before…

Anyway, next time I have an attack of butterflies

I’m just going to open the window

And let them fly away

Into the void.

Take heed

Take heed

O my dahling

as that sexy Chef Ramsey on tv

would say

devastating his latest

acolyte

with charm

Do not doubt

that you are beautiful.

That is a sin

or a contradiction

(whichever you prefer)

of the first degree. 

For you 

are beautiful

and kind

and yes

even perfect

and down deep

all is well

in fact

could not be weller:

You are a well

of wellbeing

O my dahling.

So come with me

to the high halls

and the steep mountains

and the deep orchards

where glimmer

the golden apples 

of the sun, the silver

apples of the moon

and there we will find

Goethe and Yeats

in a fond 

though chaste

embrace

and our hearts

will bloom

and we will forget

all we ever 

thought we knew

Because it will be

too late for anything

but Love

too late

for anything

but the sweetest taste

of Grace.

Redwood

Redwood

Standing before me

Your red dress richer

Than the Queen’s brocade

What do you mean

Appearing so bright and clear

In my dream?

Only this:

That Life 

Breathing and Present

And the Knowing of it

Is Sacred

And that 

Is all we need.

In the River House

Oh my dearest love

Was it a trick of my mind

that you died and left me,

escaping into realms

I could not penetrate?

For here you are beside me

Alive in this very moment

in this yellow kitchen

at this long table with friends

in the house that goes

down to the river.

Here you are with me

alive and smiling

sad that I left

but glad to the brim

without a trace of rancor

that I am back again.

Now memory clarifies me

and relief floods me

like the rising Day:

For it is clearer than the song of life

that here with you

and nowhere else

is where I belong!

Can it be true

it was I who left you,

and not the other way around?

That some requirement

of destiny trapped me, some theater

I had to play out alone?

And you, kind soul, 

bowed to your role

while I fled weeping away?

For I have believed in death,

and mourned and wept

and learned the ropes of living

just on my own.

But now that I have seen you

held you and kissed you 

so sweetly once again

I do remember:

Nothing is so real as our love.

How I have longed

not knowing the depth of my longing

to be at your side

all these years.

And now I know 

you keep a place for me

here in this river house

by the deep, sweet waters

where children and friends

and a feast await.

Love

let me dream you beside me

until we next awake.

Sacred geometry

in perfect quiet

we contemplate from within

from the point

at the apex

of the mountain

the center of the sun

the depths of the sea

triangle

circle

parabola

sacred geometry

Skating dream

First, chaos

What am I doing here?

Why are these people chasing me?

Then, aha!

It’s a game, a dance,

a love affair

Take my hand

At first you’re a clumsy oaf

Almost sitting on the ice

But little by little

You get the hang of it

And rise

And we glide and glide

Circling around and around 

Helping each other

As we wink and glide

Now together, now apart

And lo and behold

Everyone has a part

We even get paid

And can pay the babysitter

It all works out to be 

A good living

As long as we keep our balance.

Soft fantasy

Ah my soul

to know for real

what this 

our fantasy

would mean:

Afloat

in the center 

to just let go

Let go of you

Let go of me

Let go of everything

And slip and slide

fall and die

dwindling together

into one

til one and all

are gone

How then

can it be 

that you and I

and we

and all our world

can still speak?

Yet here we are

alive and well

in the grand

Not-Space

Not-Time

Here in the Being

empty and full

where the nothing

and the everything  

shine

Where still

in the end

as at the beginning

our whole being

smiles

and looks on.

Swallows

- for the morphologically inclined

No sheep 

to bumble about alone

weighed down 

with individuality

upon the ground

we surge 

in sweet 

and singing swiftness

across the sky

shape-shifting 

all as one

to sculpt the bright 

and empty air

with wings of light

The Feast of Life

Every day

in the great womb of Being

new little beings are born

all wide eyed 

innocent and brave

and Hungry as all get out

Eager as little fishes

eyes wide in surprise

they flounder into the light

and behold the shining world

so tempting

vast and rich

so full of suffering and joy

And each new being says

Please Mama God

give me something

to eat

And Mama God

who can’t resist

dishes out each one

a generous piece of the world

to see just what

they’ll do with it

Each piece is different

bursting with bitter 

and sweet, 

delicious and doubtful,

fragrant spice

deep dark heat

and pools of cool

and luscious calm

So many tastes

to be acquired

and so much to learn,

which fork to use

and which goblet 

for which wine,

that it takes each one

a lifetime 

to thoroughly digest

The little ones set to with a will

gobbling and gulping and

scarcely tasting a bite

until tummy troubles 

do their work

and at last 

they slow down

take a breath

And little by little

begin to learn 

to savor every morsel

to chew thoughtfully

and enjoy the company

of other happy diners

other tasters

of the Holy Sacrament

of Life

At last one by one

having polished off 

every last morsel

of the wondrous feast

each of us

replete and full

of memories

we heave a gentle sigh

and gratefully lie down

and fall asleep. 

The high climb

The way

is high, high

and perilous

sheer drops

no handholds

The crone climbs 

and climbs

with a single mind

hoisting herself through 

embarrassment

and misdirection

up the red cliffs

into the luminous Sun

For up there

high high up

waits her wise 

and wizened

twinkly geezer

of a love

with his big big heart

He feeds her peaches

papaya and avocado

dripping with sweetness

and together

they concoct foolish jokes

and delectable poems

to feed each other

and all the scattered children

of their 

age old love

There is a way

There is a way

To go through 

This body door

This interface

Between Time 

And Space

To the place 

Where boundaries 

Vanish

No walls

Between

Inside and out

Not like 

Me in here

And you in there 

Each trapped inside our skin 

With dead space

In between

To escape from that prison

Just go in 

Through feeling

Through the senses

Then the sleeper disappears

No fears

Try it!

Just let go

Go in and in

Keep going

Until in 

becomes out

All edges blur

Everything soft

No stopping place

Only the depths

Of endless

Gentle space

That is how

Then 

Turns into

Now

and Death 

Into an open door

Go through it?

That depends

On attitude

If life is good

You just want

More.

Time with the rain

Why do I love

The rush and roar

Of water?

Blessed by rain

We stand together

Under umbrellas

Watching the raindrops

Spout and melt

On the surface

Of these transparent 

Liquid masses

Moving swiftly 

Over small

Brown-gold stones.

I would rather stand here

Listening 

Watching

Breathing in

The wet life

Than in any

Warm room

Chatting about

Things unreal.

What am I to make of this?

What am I to make of this hodge podge?

Today and everyday I find myself thinking, thinking and living, living

The day comes into me, and thoughts, and lights and sounds and touches

Pass through me, and I through them

I try to pin myself down but I am nowhere 

And everywhere

The light laughs and I laugh with it and in it

And a great Silence holds everything 

All sound, all movement, all thought and feeling

Holds it all carefully, tenderly, like a woman with her hands full

Of flower petals

Advice for dying 

Waiting you’ll stand

Alone in the sea

your being atremble

with the crash and surge

and the endless roar,

the sand ever shifting

beneath your feet

while you fix your gaze 

on that one great wave

rolling toward you

sao inexorably 

Churning and roiling

moaning and crying

it rumbles its rage

with a deafening thunder

that will surely

dtemolish your bones

and you close your eyes

and hold your breath

counting your hopes

and your fears

and ask Why me?

But soft

the wind whispers,

You know what to do:

Wait here in peace

relax 

let everything be

Wait and watch

and when that wave 

is almost upon you

just dive under it

into the calm of the deep

Glide on below

while the hullaballoo howls

roaring away overhead

And when it is spent

rise up and breathe deep

in the warm bright air

of that welcoming world

that is sweeter and kinder

and far more real

than the best of any

of our dreams

(inspired by what a wise man is rumored to have said before he took the plunge...)

A good question

One day alone

and desolate

crying out

for company

I hear

this kind reply:

“Dear one

Why not give

Yourself a try?”

Which makes me smile

because it’s true

I hardly know 

my closest friend:

the one inside.

When I see you

My smile grows

As wide as the world

And you are in me

And I am in you.

How did it happen

That you are planted

So deep in me

Whole and complete

When we have spoken

Only rarely

And only of nonsense?

How is it

That you are in me

The way the world is in me

As I walk through the forest

And the trees are in me

And the path is in me

And the wind is in me

And there is nothing in me

That is not the world

That is not you?

Who we are

Who am I exactly

I asked my Beloved

And who are you to me?

I know you are there

But which one and where

Are you Jesus

Or Rama

Or Shiva Shakti

Gautama 

Mary, Sophia

Mohammed

Silo 

Or the Pachamama?

And a voice without voice

Smiled deep inside me:

I am He and She

I am One

With No Differences

And millions of names

And you

Are a part

Of me

When you were born

I led you here

Taught you to walk 

Talk and laugh

Look and feel

See and think

And I gave you 

One of the infinite names

Of the Holy One

But how can we all

Be One? I pled

When we are so many

So different

So troubled

So lonely and alone

And all of us

Will soon 

Be dead?

Fear not my sweet

Said that Someone 

I’m always here

Nearer than near

Right at your side

For you are mine
and I am yours

And we are A One  

That no force in the cosmos

Can ever divide 

It’s quite impossible

That thing you fear

For without me

You just aren’t 

And with me

You are 

And I Am

And that’s that

You’re at once a fragment

And fully complete:

One sacred moment

One child

One star

So dear one

Give it up

Set your heart

At ease

I’m here

So are you

Always were and will be 

It matters not a hoot

What you choose 

to call me

For truth

Blooms forever

With a million names

Each playing its part

And exclusivity

Is the falsest art.

Out here on the leviathan waters

Out here on the leviathan waters

blue green in the sun

speed boats race 

up and down the river

and the big waves rock the wharf

where I sit 

content as can be.

Near me

a father and his two sons fish

the fat little one screams

and his brother tickles him and runs

The fish are only nibbling

But the dancing water

weaves a rolling cocoon

around the seer

who sits 

inside 

vastly content

no place to go

but happy

with everything 

wind rocking

waves slapping

wharf timbers trembling

motors roaring

and in here

everything 

as quiet

as quiet 

can be.